The 5 things you ought to know
when dealing with stress and building resilience
THE FIVE P’s TO BUILD RESILIENCE
By Raelene Campbell
Growing up in a household of three children, Mum used to say that parenting was about who held the baton. That is to say, there was always one child whose emotional or physical needs were the greatest at any point in time, and therefore the other two would just have to wait their turn. Whilst baton changes seemed to occur fairly frequently, we knew that if we didn’t have possession, then we just had to get on with it as best we could. I now know, Mum was training us to be resilient. It’s is a word I’ve been contemplating a lot lately… haven’t we all?
The dictionary defines resilience as ‘an ability to recover from misfortune or change’. The word ‘ability’ infers something you have, or don’t have, however the good news is that this capability is innate in every human being. It’s the degree to which an individual is resilient that can be the game changer. How do you show up when ultimately faced with a stress, threat or obstacle? Individual’s responses to stresses are as unique as they themselves are, resulting in some people succumbing, and others surmounting.
Following are some ideas to support you with bouncing back when the going gets tough.
Leading psychologist, Martin Seligman, says that the way we explain setbacks to ourselves is an important factor. This explanatory style of building resilience is based upon three P’s:
Pervasiveness - Take a broader view of the situation - is ‘everything’ really all as bad as it seems? Perhaps only one area of your life is impacted rather than all areas. For example, “I’m not very good at golf”, as opposed to “I’m terrible at sports”.
Permanence - Resilient people view negative events as temporary rather than permanent. Considering the impermanence of a situation enables us to adapt to the future possibilities. Is it possible that the situation will lose it’s intensity over time, or that things will shift over the coming weeks, months or years? Using words like ‘sometimes’ or ‘recently’ can help.
Personalization - What degree of blame or criticism are you placing on yourself? Not everything that happens to us is because of us. Sometimes ‘life happens’ and blaming yourself for a failure will keep you stuck. Consider your role within the context of broader circumstances; see what you need to take responsibility for and what you need to let go of.
While Seligman’s 3 P’s are relatively easy to recall, when things fall to pieces, that’s when you need to pull the best-fit tool out of the toolkit quickly, so over the years I’ve added a few more P’s of my own that are both easy to remember, and easy to apply:
Perspective - Are you holding on to a story about yourself? “I’m not a morning person”, “I always get sick on boats”, “I’ve never been good with finances”. Is it possible that you are getting in your own way? Be open-minded to ideas and experiences. Explore differing perspectives or ideologies and see if you can find a new way of looking at things. Altering your viewpoint may redefine some of those long held beliefs around what you can or can’t achieve.
Practice (without Perfectionism) - The more often we perform an action, the more those neural pathways wire together, so as over time, things become easier and easier. Inherent in the notion of practice is that we need to give ourselves permission to fail along the way. One of the most effective ways to build resilience is to place ourselves in positions where we fail regularly. Once we release the need to get it right, or perform an action the way we think we should, the most creative solutions often appear.
Praise - Reflect on challenges throughout your life, and commend yourself for the way in which you navigated through tough times in the past. Recognise unique qualities and strengths that supported you. Perhaps it was your sense of humour, ability to build relationships, or skill at analysing complex data. If you don’t know, ask a friend or family member what they would say your inherent strengths are. Leveraging off strengths in tough times is often the easiest way forward.
Pause - The act of taking a simple pause has a powerhouse of effects. Whether it’s stopping immediate activities, or simply taking one deep breath, that moment of reconnection with self promotes a focus on the best immediate course of action – perhaps it’s redirecting negative thoughts, recognising reactive emotions or just empowering you to focus. A few seconds can be the most powerful influencer of your day.
Pleasure – Find time throughout the day for something that you enjoy. It may be as simple as listening to your favorite song, or taking a bath. Interestingly, planning these events can be just as powerful as experiencing them. Studies have shown that anticipating and remembering positive events can reduce cortisol and increase serotonin. ‘When serotonin levels are normal, one feels happy, calmer, less anxious, more focused and more emotionally stable.’ (Scaccia, 2017). When we relish in the good we can harness positivity, supporting us with the more challenging aspects of life.
Ultimately, wisdom comes through facing challenges. Without hardship we fail to recognise how strong and resourceful we truly are, and in many ways, it can define us. Think of any inspirational individual, and you will most likely find that they are the ones who confronted their challenges and rose to even greater successes because of them. As eloquently said by Nelson Mandela – ‘Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again’.
And of course, Mum was right… when there seems to be no way forward, sometimes you’ve just got to put your hand out and reach for the baton. In many ways, that’s the most resilient thing an individual can do. Whether it be talking concerns through with family, friend, counsellor or coach, a problem shared instantly becomes a problem halved.
One-on-one executive coaching sessions are a key strategy to assist and provide clarity and focus on key challenges and new results. Working with your coach, during your executive coaching sessions, will help bring greater clarity and steps fulfil your vision, values and goals. This supports a shift towards establishing new positive routines and a move towards a higher level of engagement and results both personally and professionally.
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